When a Narcissist Knows You’ll NEVER Come Back -CS Lewis sermons

When a Narcissist Knows You’ll NEVER Come Back -CS Lewis sermons

Imagine a castle built on shifting sand,

Its walls strong, but its foundation crumbling. No matter how grand it appears, the instability beneath it guarantees its eventual collapse.

A narcissist’s sense of power and control is much like this castle, fragile and dependent on the compliance of others. When they realize you’ve stepped away, that you will never return. Their foundation begins to crack and they scramble to regain control.

Have you ever wondered why their behavior becomes more intense or manipulative after you set boundaries? What drives their attempts to pull you back? These moments reveal the truth about narcissistic relationships.

They’re built not on Respect but on control and an unwillingness to face rejection.

Yet God‘s truth calls us to a higher standard, one where our identity is anchored on unchanging love, not in the chaos of toxic cycles. The Bible reminds us in 2 Corinthians 3:17 now the Lord is the spirit and where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Walking away from manipulation and control is not just a physical act, but a spiritual one. A declaration of your freedom in Christ, no longer bound by the unstable foundation of toxic relationships, you are called to stand firmly on God‘s truth . A foundation that cannot be shaken. children of the Almighty God, imagine a child reaching for a toy they ignored for years, only to find it suddenly taken away. That toy, though once dismissed, now holds and irresistible pull. This forbidden fruit reflects how narcissists react when someone they once controlled decides to leave and establish boundaries, especially through a no contact approach.

Have you ever wondered why their interest intensifies the moment you distance yourself? Narcissists driven by a deep sense of entitlement believe that they should never lose control over for the people in their lives. When they sense they are losing what they took for granted, it ignites an almost obsessive desire to reclaim it. Proverbs 27:7 teaches the one who is full loathes honey, but the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet. This is the narcissist’s sudden craving for what they previously undervalued.

It is not genuine love, but a hunger for control. At the heart of this response lies their fantasy driven mindset. Narcissists often view relationships, as extentions of their own desires, not of mutual respect, love and care. They are less concerned with your well-being and more consumed by the idea of losing something they perceive as theirs. CS Lewis reflected that pride twists everything noble into a craving for possession. A narcissist’s reaction to loss reveals this twisting of love into ownership. The initial reaction of a narcissist to your absence, may feel intense. Desperate, they may attempt to draw you back with charm or exaggerated displays of regret, feeding your hope. But this response is not about repentance or humility, it’s about restoring their lost sense of power.

Have you noticed how their words can feel persuasive yet hollow, as they’re more focused on winning you back than understanding the pain they caused. Scripture warns us about such manipulative behaviors in Matthew 7:15 Jesus says beware of false prophets who come to you and sheep’s clothing, but inward are ravenous wolves. Though the narcissist may disguise their intentions with words of affection or promises of change, their underlying goal remains the same. Regaining control.

Recognizing this truth can help you resist their initial pull and protect your heart from further harm. Their sense of rejection fuels their urgency, but this urgency is rooted in pride, not love. Narcissists struggle to accept that someone could leave their influence.

This bruising of their ego often results into contrasting responses. Idealizing you in one moment and resenting you in the next. This unpredictable behavior creates a storm of emotional confusion, making it difficult to discern their true intentions.

Have you ever questioned whether their pursuit of you is about you or about their needs to repair their wounded pride. The forbidden fruit effect reveals deeper spiritual relationships rooted in manipulation, lead to emotional chaos and spiritual disconnection. Yet even in the midst of this storm, God‘s truth, offers clarity and peace. Is 26:3 promises You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you. Trusting God‘s wisdom helps you resist the pull of toxic cycles and remain anchored in His peace.

Breaking free from the narcissist’s Initial grasp is not easy as their tactics often play on your vulnerabilities. Your hope for reconciliation, your fear of being misunderstood or your desire for closure. These are natural human emotions, but they can become traps if left unchecked. Healing begins with recognizing that your value does not depend on their attention or approval, but on God’s unchanging, love.

Can you see how shifting your focus to him can provide the strength to hold firm. The intensity of their initial reaction is only the beginning as they realize their charm may not be enough to regain control. Many narcissists escalate their efforts. They turn to tactics such as love bombing, or exaggerated apologies, hoping to rekindle the cycle of abuse.

How can we prepare ourselves to discern the strategies and stand firm in the truth God has revealed to us? Imagine a fisherman casting a shiny lure into the water. Its brightness, designed to dazzle and attract, mesmerizes the fish, which fails to see the hidden hook. Narcissists use similar tactics when they attempt to pull you back into the cycle of control, employing strategies like hoovering and love bombing.

Have you noticed how their attention becomes overwhelming, even intoxicating, when they sense you slipping away? Hoovering, named after a vacuum, describes the narcissist’s attempts to suck you back into their orbit. They often deploy grand gestures, sweet words, or even apologies that seem heartfelt; however, these actions are rarely about true remorse. They are calculated moves to regain the cycle of abuse. In Proverbs 26:23, we read: like a coating of silver dross on earthenware, fervent lips with an evil heart, charming words often hide manipulative intentions. Love bombing is another tool in their arsenal. It begins with an outpouring of attention and affection, so intense that it feels like an answered prayer. Gifts, compliments, and promises flood your world, creating a sense of euphoria, but this idealization phase is not sustainable. It is designed to lower your guard and make you dependent on their validation.

Have you ever wondered why this affection fades so quickly once they regain your trust? This tactic works because it exploits our deep longing for connection, as humans are created to love and be loved. Yet the narcissist twists this God-given desire into a means of control. They create an illusion of intimacy, but it’s conditional based on your compliance with their needs.

CS Lewis remarked that affection itself can become a demon when it tries to be a god. Their false displays of love seek not to uplift you, but to place themselves at the center of your world. What makes hovering and love bombing particularly harmful is the emotional confusion they create just as you begin to heal and establish boundaries. The narcissist appears with a narrative of change or regret. This sudden shift can make you question your progress or even doubt your decision to leave.

Matthew 24:24 warns us that false Messiahs and false prophets will appear to perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. Their tactics are designed to distract you from the truth of your own worth. Recognizing these strategies is vital for breaking the cycle. While their words may seem convincing, their actions tell a different story.

A genuine apology involves humility and willingness to change, not just empty promises designed to manipulate your emotions. Have you considered how their behavior aligns with their claims? True repentance bears fruit, while manipulation leaves you drained.

Another element of these tactics is the way they weaponize your vulnerabilities. They may appeal to your compassion, reminding you of good memories or shared struggles, yet these emotional appeals often serve as bait, keeping you tethered to a relationship that damages your sense of dignity and peace.

Isaiah 32:17 assures us the fruit of righteousness will be peace. Its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. God’s righteousness leads to lasting peace, not the chaos of toxic cycles. To stand firm against hoovering and love bombing, you must trust in God’s guidance and rely on the strength of clear boundaries.

The narcissist's tactics thrive on emotional confusion, but boundaries create clarity. Choosing no contact is an act of self-respect and faith, allowing you to rebuild without interference. Have you taken steps to create a space where healing can flourish?

Free from the pull of manipulation, their persistence can make it feel as though the only way to escape is to give in. But scripture offers a different path, one of steadfastness and trust in God’s protection. James 4:7 encourages us to submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you. By leaning on God’s strength, you can resist the pull of their tactics and maintain the boundaries you’ve set. Even when you recognize their strategies, the emotional toll can be significant. The narcissist’s efforts to rekindle the cycle often stir feelings of hope, nostalgia, or guilt, but healing requires discernment.

Only by choosing to see beyond their words into the pattern that caused pain can you protect your heart and remain anchored in God’s truth when tactics seem so persuasive.

The narcissist’s attempts to regain control don’t stop here. When love bombing and hoovering fail, they often escalate to more destructive methods, such as smear campaigns and manipulation. How do we prepare ourselves to stand firm in the face of their efforts to tarnish our reputation or distort the truth? Imagine a painter splashing dark strokes across one bright canvas, distorting its beauty until the original image is unrecognizable. Narcissists, when they sense that they’ve lost control, often engage in smear campaigns, tarnishing your reputation to paint themselves as victims.

This calculated manipulation aims to isolate you from support and protect their image. Have you ever faced the pain of being misunderstood because someone deliberately twisted the truth? The smear campaign begins when other tactics fail. When love bombing and hoovering are no longer effective, narcissists, threatened by your independence, resort to spreading lies or half-truths to undermine your credibility. They twist events, casting you as the aggressor while they appear blameless.

Proverbs 6:6-19 warns of such behavior, listing a lying tongue and one who sows discord among brethren as among the things the Lord detests. The divisive actions reveal a heart far from truth and love. Through manipulation, the narcissist seeks to control the narrative. Their words are crafted not to heal or reconcile, but to shift blame and maintain their power. They might tell mutual friends that you abandoned them or exaggerate your flaws to justify their behavior.

Wisely, C.S. Lewis noted that pride often drives people to view themselves as the center of the story, twisting the truth to serve their ego. How often do we see the same pattern in toxic relationships?

One of the most painful aspects of a smear campaign is its impact on your relationships. Friends, family, or colleagues may begin to question your character. Influenced by the narcissist's carefully constructed lies, this isolation is not accidental. It is designed to leave you vulnerable and without support. Have you found yourself defending your integrity against accusations that feel like shadows, intangible yet pervasive?

The Bible has comfort and wisdom for such situations. In Psalms 37:6, we are reminded that He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday sun. Even when your reputation feels tarnished, God’s truth is your ultimate defense. No lie can overshadow the light of His justice.

By trusting in Him, you can remain steadfast, knowing the truth has a way of surfacing, even in the face of manipulation. Narcissists use smear campaigns not only to protect their image but also to provoke you into reacting. They hope to draw you into a cycle of defending yourself, which often plays into their hands. Reacting emotionally can reinforce their narrative, giving them more material to distort.

Instead, wisdom calls us to respond with silence and dignity, trusting that God fights for us. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14. Their manipulation can be particularly effective when it exploits your past vulnerabilities. They may twist your words or actions, using your moments of weakness to discredit you. This can create a cycle of self-doubt or cause you to question your own worth and identity, yet 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

In Him, your identity is secure no matter how others try to distort it. Healing from the damage of a smear campaign requires both spiritual and emotional resilience. It’s tempting to confront every lie and correct every misunderstanding, but doing so often drains your energy and prolongs the cycle. Instead, focus on living a life rooted in truth, allowing your actions to speak louder than their words.

Have you considered how choosing peace in the middle of conflict can be a testimony of God’s work in your life? When smear campaigns fail to achieve their intended result, narcissists may escalate their tactics by involving others, turning friends or family into unwitting accomplices, often called “flying monkeys.” How do we guard our hearts and maintain our faith when those we trusted seem to turn against us?

Imagine standing in a forest, surrounded by trees that once felt protective and secure; suddenly, the branches seem to close in, and the very forest you trusted becomes a place of confusion and betrayal. Narcissists, unwilling to face loss or accountability, often enlist others, “flying monkeys,” to act on their behalf, spreading manipulation and pressure.

Have you ever felt the sting of betrayal from those you thought were allies? These flying monkeys are often friends, family members, or acquaintances who unwittingly become tools in the narcissist’s schemes, manipulated by the narcissist’s charm or false narrative.

They may approach you under the guise of concern, pressuring you to reconcile or questioning your decisions. Proverbs 16:28 warns that a perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

The narcissist thrives on this division, using others to wear down your defenses. The involvement of flying monkeys adds another layer of emotional strain.

Suddenly, you may find yourself not only defending against the narcissist’s manipulations, but also navigating misunderstandings with those you care about. This tactic isolates you further, creating a sense of loneliness and insecurity. Have you questioned how so many could misunderstand the truth, leaving you feeling outnumbered and unheard?

C.S. Lewis observed that evil often works subtly, using small but consistent distortions to undermine relationships and trust. The narcissist’s enlistment of others reflects this strategy; by spreading misinformation and planting seeds of doubt, they redirect attention from their actions, framing you as the source of conflict. This distortion not only protects their image but also deepens your sense of disconnection and vulnerability.

The pain caused by flying monkeys is not limited to their words; their actions, however well-intentioned, can resurface old wounds or make you doubt your boundaries. They may say things like you're being too harsh or they just want to make things right, without fully understanding the depth of the harm you've experienced.

Psalms 55:12-14

Captures this pain: If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it, but it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend. Betrayal by those close to us cuts deeply. It’s important to remember that these individuals are often unaware of the full picture. They may be manipulated by the narcissist’s charm, guilt-tripped into intervening, or simply trying to help in the wrong way.

While their involvement is painful, it reflects more on the narcissist’s tactics to devalue your worth.

Have you considered how your clarity and steadfastness might shine light on the truth even in the face of their confusion? Scripture offers wisdom for handling such situations. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus advises us to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. This means approaching these individuals with grace, but also with discernment. Instead of engaging in arguments or attempting to prove your side, focus on maintaining your boundaries and letting your actions speak louder than words.

God’s truth will prevail in His time. Maintaining emotional distance is key when dealing with flying monkeys. Their involvement is often an extension of the narcissist’s attempt to regain control, and engaging with them can pull you back into cycles of chaos. By setting firm but kind boundaries, you protect your peace and allow space for God to work in their hearts.

Have you prayed for wisdom and strength to navigate these interactions with both grace and firmness? When the forest feels like it’s closing in, remember that God is your refuge. Though others may be swayed by lies, His truth remains unchanging.

Psalm 46:1 reminds us

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. As you lean on His strength, you’ll find clarity and courage to stand firm, but even as you hold your ground, the narcissist may continue to escalate their tactics.

How do we move forward and reclaim our sense of self amidst these challenges? Imagine a bird that has spent years in a cage; when the door is finally opened, it hesitates, unsure if it can trust the freedom beyond. Escaping the narcissist’s influence can feel the same: liberating yet uncertain, as if you’re learning to spread your wings for the first time. How do you rebuild your life?

After years of control, manipulation, and emotional strain, the first step in overcoming their influence is maintaining a strict no-contact policy. This boundary acts as a shield, protecting your heart and mind from further manipulation. It may feel harsh or even unkind, but Proverbs 4:23 reminds us: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Guarding your heart allows space for healing, unclouded by the narcissist's attempts to regain control.

Recovery also involves acknowledging the emotional wounds left behind. Narcissistic relationships often damage your sense of self-worth, leaving scars of insecurity and doubt.

C.S. Lewis wrote that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. True healing comes not from minimizing your value but from seeing yourself as God sees you: worthy of love, dignity, and peace.

Building resilience means focusing on self-care and creating a life centered on God’s truth. This might include nurturing healthy relationships, rediscovering your passions, or seeking support through counseling. Remember that growth takes time.

Have you given yourself permission to heal without rushing the process? Ecclesiastes 3:11 reassures us that He has made everything beautiful in its time. One key to overcoming the narcissist’s influence is refusing to engage with their manipulation tactics. Their attempts to provoke guilt, anger, or doubt are designed to pull you back into the cycle.

By staying rooted in God’s wisdom, you can respond with clarity and calm. James 1:19 offers guidance: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Silence and patience often dismantle their attempts to regain control.

As you break free, you may find moments of grief or lingering attachment. These emotions are natural and do not signify failure, but reflect the depth of your experience. Healing means allowing yourself to feel, trusting God to carry you through.

Psalm 34:18 offers comfort: the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Have you turned to Him with your pain, trusting His nearness in your moments of vulnerability?

Freedom also means reclaiming your identity, which may have been overshadowed by the narcissist’s control. Ask yourself, who am I in Christ? What gifts has God placed within me? By grounding your identity in Him, you build a foundation that cannot be shaken by others' opinions or manipulations.

2 Corinthians 5:17 declares if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here. Setting healthy boundaries is not just an act of protection, but a declaration of your worth. These boundaries signal that you will no longer tolerate toxic behavior, not out of love for yourself, but obedience to God.

Have you embraced the strength found in saying no to what harms you so you can say yes to what heals?

As you move forward, you’ll notice that overcoming the narcissist’s influence isn’t just about breaking free from their control; it’s about stepping into a life of purpose and joy.

True freedom is found in Christ, who offers peace beyond understanding and a love that never falters. How might your life flourish as you release the chains of the past and walk fully in His light? Imagine a weary traveler laying down a heavy burden after miles of walking through rough terrain. The weight they carried, though familiar, only slowed their progress and drained their strength. Letting go of a narcissistic relationship is much like setting down that burden. It’s a moment of release, of reclaiming dignity.

But how do we ensure we continue walking forward without picking up the weight again? Breaking free from the cycle of manipulation and control is an act of faith. Encouraged yet staying free requires intentionality. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." True freedom and rest are not found in endless attempts to change the narcissist or gain their approval, but in surrendering your hurt, insecurity, and confusion to God.

As you reflect on what you’ve learned, consider this: what boundaries need to be strengthened in your life to protect your peace? What areas of self-care and faith could you nurture to foster growth and healing? God calls you not to carry the weight of another's toxicity, but to walk in the liberty he provides. Have you allowed his truth to shape your steps forward, replacing fear with faith? Rebuilding after leaving a toxic relationship is a journey of growth. It involves setting healthy boundaries, embracing your identity in Christ, and leaning on his promises for stability and renewal. Psalms 147:3 offers comfort: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Every tear redeemed and every step forward strengthened by his grace. Let this be your declaration today: I choose freedom in Christ over the chaos of control.