The Church & Orphans

The Church & Orphans by Heather Matranga

I have often heard the phrase that if every church in America adopted a child, then we could help solve the orphan crisis. I mean, that phrase sounds nice, and it would be pretty amazing if that happened.

I’d love to see that happen because I believe the orphan crisis is the church's responsibility.

I want to applaud the churches all across America that have an orphan ministry set up.

I honor you.

I want to challenge the churches that do not have an orphan ministry in place to be willing to start one.

Call me.

Let’s have a conversation.

Let us help you start an orphan ministry.

We will give you the free resources & education to help you.

Or please go find an adoptive or foster parent currently in your church and have them help you start one.

Or find another church locally who already has a thriving orphan ministry and link arms with them.

The Bible is very clear about caring for orphans and widows.

I think many Christians, however, get confused about what it looks like to care for orphans. The Bible doesn’t say to adopt and foster every orphan and destroy your family and marriage in the process. The Bible doesn’t say to adopt all the kids yet leave your biological kids in danger.

Not everyone is called to adopt.

I always tell people to please not adopt kids with trauma if you are not ready to have your heart and home destroyed. I say this because adoption isn’t always rainbows and roses. Adoption is spiritual warfare. Adoption has cost me everything. It’s the best decision I have ever made and one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.

Dear Churches, before showing cute videos of orphans' faces on Orphan Sunday encouraging families with young children to adopt a teen, be willing to have the hard conversation about how difficult it is to adopt a teen with trauma. Make sure your families in the church know that not everyone should be adopting. Adoption is indeed a calling.

Teach your families how to adopt without destroying their marriage and family.

I would like to be blunt and say,

- If you aren’t healed and whole, adoption probably shouldn’t be on your radar.

-If your marriage is unhealthy and your family is struggling, adoption can’t be a conversation you should be having.

It’s really hard to extinguish fires in foster kids' lives when your own life and family are on fire and burning to the ground. I know you’ve probably heard all these sayings before, but I’m going to annoy you with them to drive my point across.

-You can’t pour from an empty cup.

-You can’t extinguish other people's fires when your own home is in flames.

-If you are on the struggle bus, please don't add more kids to that struggle bus.

-If you are struggling in your marriage, focus on your marraige and adoption shouldn’t be a conversation you are having.

Dear churches, don’t advertise orphans; educate about orphans.

-Educate your church members about trauma and the effects of trauma.

-Educate your families about the foster care prison pipeline.

-Educate your families on the risks.

- Educate your families about how to adopt without destroying your family.

- Educate your families on the beauty and miracle of adoption, but don’t be afraid to talk about the heartbreak of taking in a child suffering from trauma and attachment issues in your home.

If hurt people hurt people, then guess who has lots of layers of hurt? Orphans. Be mindful of this and educate.

I used to laugh at the line in Anne of Green Gables where Mrs. Lynde tells the stories to Marilla about the girl sticking strychnine in the well. Now that I’m an adoptive mom, I don’t laugh at that part anymore where her voice gets passionate. I actually agree with Mrs. Lynde. I now understand from first hand experience Mrs. Lynde's concerns.

It’s going to sound like I’m contradicting myself throughout this blog, telling you about the beauty and miracles of adoption and then telling you about the struggles. I would be doing a disservice to you by sharing only one side of orphan ministry. When miracles happen and revival breaks out in your home and orphan ministry, guess what else happens?

Attacks.

Persecution.

Orphan Ministry, Fostering & Adoption is one of the most dangerous ministries you can enter into.

It’s also one of the most amazing ministries you can enter into.

It’s not talked about enough, yet it needs to be.

Let me explain why I say this, because of one word…

Trauma.

Satan hates it when we introduce the Heavenly Father to the fatherless.

Satan will do whatever it takes to stop it.

Satan hates it when a child steps out of darkness and into light.

Don’t adopt if you aren’t willing to count the cost.

Don’t start an orphan ministry if you’re not willing to count the cost.

I have ministered to many foster and adoptive parents who have lost it all. I’m talking about losing their biological children due to false accusations, losing thousands of dollars trying to fight false allegations, and having biological children abused and molested by adopted children suffering from trauma.

What people don’t like talking about is how many foster and adopted children are sitting on death row.

What the church needs to talk about is how many children go missing.

What the church needs to talk about is how the orphan and widow crisis is actually the church's responsibility.

Children’s ministry shouldn’t just end within your church walls. I challenge churches to partner with organizations that have boots on the ground in some kind of children’s ministry outside your church walls.

-Find an organization that’s bringing clean water to vulnerable children.

-Partner with an organization that’s rescuing children from trafficking and has a legitimate aftercare program for the victims to heal.

-Find practical ways to support foster and adoptive families who are counting the cost.

-Partner with your local county and see if you can provide for the needs of local shelters & group homes filled with foster kids.

-Start a support ministry for your church members who are in the trenches of fostering and adopting.

-Start a scholarship fund to help those who are choosing to adopt.

-Start throwing baby showers for foster and adoptive moms.

-Start meal trains randomly for foster and adoptive families.

The church needs to come alongside of all their members who are called to adopt and foster and ADOPT THEM, support them, and help them.

I would like to see the old saying, "It takes a village," changed to, "It takes a Church!"

Let's Change it together!

If you are a church, you should have a list of your state's shelters, foster agencies, group homes, and independent living homes. If you don’t, please visit our resource website and contact us so we can help you get this. If you are a church, it’s imperative for you to contact your local county CPS and find out what their biggest needs are.

The orphan crisis shouldn’t be run by the government. It's time for the church to take its place in caring for the orphans.

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Questions to discuss before choosing to foster & adopt:

1). What first made you want to foster or adopt?

-Was it an emotional draw?

-Did you have experience with a particular child or family?

2) Caring for vulnerable children who’ve experienced trauma and abuse is no small task.

How will it affect your family to bring in a child with trauma?

3). Read Psalm 68:5-6. What do you think it means that God “sets the lonely in families”? What does it mean for your involvement in foster care?

4). What are you currently praying about related to your foster or adoption journey? How can we pray for you?

5). Do you feel a calling to this? Tell me about that calling?

How To Do Orphan Ministry Differently.

Churches, please stop the short-term mission trips to orphanages. I’m begging you. Before you book that one-week trip, ask yourselves:

-Is this a one time thing?

-Is it healthy for orphans who already deal with abandonment issues to see strangers coming in and out?

-Is it healthy for children who have attachment disorders to bond with strangers for one week and then never see them again?

-Don’t allow pictures of orphans to be posted on social media.

An orphan's tragic situation isn’t something to be gawked at.

If you want to visit orphanages, then make sure it’s a team of people who are background-checked and trained in trauma. Make sure it’s a team of people who plan on coming back.

If it’s not, save the money you’d spend on flights and a place to stay, and send it to a ministry instead who is making a real difference in those children’s lives.