Fostering Hope- My views on Foster Care

Fostering Hope

Let’s talk foster care. Foster care is such a messy & complex system set up by the government in order to revamp & meet the orphan crisis. Instead of having orphanages all over, it’s packaged as foster care, shelters, group homes, and many other modern-day terms. Instead of orphan trains, we’ve repackaged it with waiting children with state photo listings.

No matter what your views on foster care are, I think we can all agree that foster care needs to be reformed. If we can’t agree on that, then I hope by the end of this article, you’ve changed your mind. I’ll talk about ways we can reform it at the end of this chapter as well.

Right now, we have a broken system helping broken children.

The government is made up of people. There is no perfect person. We are all fallible. So it would be foolish to believe that foster care is the perfect solution when fallible people started it and are running it.

Statistics now show that foster care actually damages kids in the long run, especially when they are bouncing from one home to another, not forming any real connections.

There are also statistics that show that children removed for neglect would have been better off staying in those neglectful situations than removed.

You’ve got too many cases where children are removed over a messy house, false allegations, and no proof of abuse.

It used to blow my mind when I’d get a child in my home and find out their parents aren’t in jail. I’d wonder if being in a stranger's home is really better. If their parents aren’t in jail and there is no actual proof of abuse, then why are they in my home?

How is being separated from siblings and with a stranger better than being with one's biological parents?

Now, if there is actual proof of physical abuse and sexual abuse, then by all means, please remove the child. It’s in the best interest of the child in those cases to be removed. However, statistics show that most cases of removal are for some type of alleged neglect.

Neglect is abuse, but do you realize how many families get falsely accused? The numbers are shocking.

Statistics also show that there is a clear connection between foster care and prison.

It’s called the foster care to prison pipeline. So if the statistics are true, then the foster care system isn't working.

There are alarming statistics on how many inmates on death row were in the foster care system or had some type of childhood trauma.

Here is my personal experience with foster care.

Sometimes foster care works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

I’ve seen it work.

I have seen it not work.

I’ve seen many success stories of reunification.

I’ve seen many corrupt stories of false removals.

I’ve been a temporary safe haven home for many foster children, and I’ve seen those children return to their biological homes.

I’ve also seen cases where biological parents have their parental rights terminated unfairly, with no due process or evidence of abuse, but based on hearsay.

Have you ever witnessed a termination of rights? It’s brutal. It’s one of the most heart-wrenching things to witness. I can still hear the deep sobs and wailing taking place, and it makes me shudder.

I’ve met some of the most life-changing and amazing caseworkers.

I’ve met some of the most corrupt caseworkers.

Thankfully, I hit the jackpot with caseworkers in my specific state.

I’ve met some of the most brilliant CPS investigators.

I’ve met some of the laziest CPS investigators who remove children over alleged hearsay.

I’ve witnessed foster children getting assigned CASA workers, guardian ad litems, caseworkers, therapists, a whole team of people to help them.

I’ve seen parents get nothing, not even due process or any form of justice in court.

I have witnessed unfair situations where foster parents have raised kids from 0-7 with no biological parent visits, and then one day the kids are removed with no notice. I mean, how damaging is that for a child who is bonded with that foster parent?

I’ve witnessed the same with biological children. How sad to watch children ripped from their mothers' breasts and placed with strangers.

I’ve seen kids who needed to be in foster care.

I’ve seen kids whom I questioned why they are in foster care.

I’ve met some of the most amazing foster parents who were fostering for the right reasons.

I’ve met some of the most horrific foster parents and wonder how they got approved.

I’ve been a part of some of the most life-changing foster agencies, and I’ve been part of a few corrupt ones.

I had a caseworker blackmail me before, and one that threatened me.

I’ve had caseworkers who have forever changed my life and who are still changing lives.

After reading the above, you may ask, "Then why did you choose foster care?"

I chose foster care because it’s not about me. It’s about the children stuck in the foster care system. I chose to walk through the trenches of foster care because that’s the only way I can reach the children. Yes, it hurts to give back a child that you’ve raised for an entire 2 years and they are only bonded with you. Yes, it hurts to be misunderstood and have to ride the awful rollercoaster of foster care not knowing the outcomes, but it’s not about us. It’s about the children stuck in a broken system.

Foster care is not about getting; it’s about giving.

Here is how you can do your part to reform a broken system:

-Don’t sign up for foster care if the only goal is adoption. The goal of foster care needs to be reunification. Adoption should be the last resort when it comes to foster care.

If you want to adopt through foster care, be honest upfront with your local state. I’ve seen too many foster parents go into it with the goal of adoption, and when that happens, unfortunately, the biological parents don’t always get a fair, objective chance, especially when foster parents want to keep the kids. If you want to adopt, go into it being upfront with your intentions.

-Make sure you ask why the child/children were removed. Ask to see the reunification plan.

-Advocate for the biological parents, especially if there is no proof of abuse.

Did they receive due process?

Were they assigned an attorney?

When are the parental visits?

-Has the child been in foster care for more than 15 months? If so, it’s time to advocate for them. It’s unhealthy in all aspects to be away from family for that long.

- Ask when the court dates are. Show up to the court dates. Unfortunately, all these court cases are closed, so there really isn’t any accountability. I understand when dealing with minors why the court cases are closed. I think if they started making these court cases open, people would be shocked at the unjust things that happen behind court doors. There is no public outrage because no one really has the full story due to these cases being closed.

-The foster care system is a billion-dollar industry, and you’d think there would be more checks and balances, safety measures in place, and accountability set in place since we are dealing with children. I applaud all the agencies, organizations, and individual states that are reforming the foster care system. Thank you! I am cheering you on.

-Contact your local government and local CPS agency to find out how you can get involved. Ask your specific county what their biggest needs are.

Research if there are already initiatives in place for reform and get educated.

Research statistics in your specific county.

Vote accordingly.

A few things that helped me make sure my home was a safe haven for foster kids were:

-I made my home feel and look like a cozy bed and breakfast. Lots of blankets. Lots of pillows. I didn’t have guest towels they couldn’t touch. They were my VIP guests, so they got the best towels and the best of everything!

-Treat the children as you would treat Jesus entering your home. How would you welcome Jesus?

-I loved to leave out massive amounts of snacks, fruit, and nuts for my children to eat (that is, if they weren’t allergic).

-When I first got a foster child, I would allow them to pick out their own foods so they felt comfortable.

-I have always loved creating a little herbal tea, coffee, and hot chocolate station for my kids.

-Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel being removed from the only home you knew and placed with strangers? Parent with compassion, not fear.

-Care more about building a relationship with them than fixing their behaviors.

-Pursue their broken hearts. Don’t stop pursuing their hearts even when their hearts have healed.

-Love them anyways, despite their behaviors

-Ask God to show you His heart for them and how God sees them.

Love them like Jesus would.

-Set healthy boundaries so you don’t neglect yourself or anyone else in the household.