False Allegations: My reality of reactive attachment disorder
- Heather Matranga
- Jan 17
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 6
In the trauma world, many talk about the four trauma responses, which are:
Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn, but in the Reactive Attachment adoption world, I would like to introduce that there are actually six Trauma Responses:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
Ferocious Lying
Falsely Accusing
False accusations have been my reality with some of my children who suffer from attachment issues..
I always tell families who are interested in adopting children with the diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder that if they aren't willing to have their hearts, homes, and lives destroyed, then don't adopt a child with RADs.
For me personally, dealing with attachment disorders is like constantly walking on eggshells, not knowing when you will say something that will set the child off into what I call a RAD high. To learn about what a RAD high is, click here to read my 27-year-old daughter's article on Why She Falsely Accused Me.
I have often said that parenting a child with attachment disorders is like living in one of the Psalms of David. One minute they are loving me, singing my praises, and then the next they are plotting my demise.
Adopting a child who suffers from attachment issues is spiritual warfare. It's not all gumdrops and rainbows. It's a constant pursuit of their heart. It's a constant pouring out of your unconditional love, knowing they don't love you back in the same way. It's a daily going into your prayer room, crying out to God on their behalf and storming heaven, believing that the storms raging in their hearts and minds will cease. I will continue to war for my children in the spirit realm until the day I die.
My heart, home, and life have been destroyed repeatedly, copy/paste/copy/paste. I feel like I am watching the same horror movie over and over, but just with different kids every year. I may get a custom mat for my front door that says, "Hi CPS, I've been expecting you!"
I remember several times telling my children, after they threatened me, "Please call CPS, let me give you their hotline number."
I have often thought about making CPS HOTLINE business cards just to pass out because there have been so many "here we go again" threatening-to-call-CPS moments.
I remember when CPS would come and investigate, and they'd check my kids for bruises—they never had any. Oh, but I sure did. CPS never once cared that I was the one being abused.
I am willing to be their punching bag, their nurturing enemy, and continue to have my heart destroyed because I know their trauma has to go somewhere.
I can take it.
I can handle it.
They can blame me.
They can accuse me.
My shoulders & heart can carry it.
Whatever it takes for my kids to heal- I am 100% in.
Below is an excerpt from an article I recommend for understanding why children with Reactive Attachment Disorder falsely accuse.
I am praying for all those in the trenches of false allegations and please know you are not alone. Many are sitting with you.
We hear you.
We believe you.
We understand you.
We have your back!
Email me your story so I can send you some prayers.
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Excerpt by Beth Cochran:
I still remember the moment clearly. With my notepad and pen in hand, I was eager to jot down everything the woman said in the foster parent training class. That is, until she got to one specific point.
“It’s not if you get investigated but when you get investigated,” she said.
That’s when I put my pen down and looked up—shocked. I understood that many children in the foster care system suffer from the effects of early trauma. I hadn’t considered false allegations, though.
Please go read this powerful article Here.
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